Self numbing.Every moment filled with the harsh light of a computer screen, the gentle buzzing of electronics to let you know that somewhere else life is happening. But don’t slow down. Or rest. Or take a walk outside. Here, have another drink. Don’t wonder, even for a moment, or sit idly. Keep working. And don’t worry, you can record your favorite shows so you don’t have to miss a thing.
But what if I’m missing everything? What if I’ve filled every dusty corner of this life with emails and dates and dinner parties and assignments and somehow I can’t shake this feeling that I am missing something fundamental. That somehow the more I explored the world the less I understood where I belonged in it. That the more people that I met, the less I felt I knew anyone.
Perhaps I am learning to sit with the questions. To traverse the edges of uncertainty. Perhaps this uncomfortable gnawing I feel is the realization that this is. the most. I will ever understand. and I want to drown it out. with so much noise and light that I can’t distinguish the static of the screen from the roaring of waves.