RuddyRuminations

The fermenting bowl of unripe thoughts

Month: June, 2013

The echo on an empty room

makes me want to smoke cigarettes

and prop my feet up on cardboard boxes

Makes me want to give away everything

so that all which

is left

is.

what it is

and not what I thought it could be

 

 

 

 

I’m on my way home now.

I’m on my way home now. I’ve filled my pockets with scraps and shreds of questions and half answered requests. I’m wearing my uncertainty like a badge across my chest. One thing is sure, I’m less sure than when I started. One thing is sure, I’ve come back to where I parted.

I’ve parted ways with knowing. I’ve toasted to my doubt. I’ve no clue where I’m going or what it is that I’m about.

Yet in this space of uncertainty lacking all assurance. I’ve grown.

Like all wild things, I’ve grown despite the harsh sun and the unforgiving winds. Indeed, in the space where certainty resides, no wild thing can live.

The static of screens

Self numbing.Every moment filled with the harsh light of a computer screen, the gentle buzzing of electronics to let you know that somewhere else life is happening. But don’t slow down. Or rest. Or take a walk outside. Here, have another drink. Don’t wonder, even for a moment, or sit idly. Keep working. And don’t worry, you can record your favorite shows so you don’t have to miss a thing.

But what if I’m missing everything? What if I’ve filled every dusty corner of this life with emails and dates and dinner parties and assignments and somehow I can’t shake this feeling that I am missing something fundamental. That somehow the more I explored the world the less I understood where I belonged in it. That the more people that I met, the less I felt I knew anyone.

Perhaps I am learning to sit with the questions. To traverse the edges of uncertainty. Perhaps this uncomfortable gnawing I feel is the realization that this is. the most. I will ever understand. and I want to drown it out. with so much noise and light that I can’t distinguish the static of the screen from the roaring of waves.